I Know in Peace You'll Go I Hope Relief Is Yours
by runicmagitek
Summary: Through all the struggles in her life, Rinoa never had to face them alone, but when the most difficult of struggles faces her, she knows she'll have to walk away from it alone. Animal death warning


_Written July 2nd: A year ago this day, I was curled up with my cat, sobbing uncontrollably, for I knew the next day I would have to bring her to the vets to put her down. Anyone who has ever lost a pet knows the gut-wrenching sensation when you have to say good-bye. It hit me the other day that it's been so long without my furry friend around and I feel stupid for still crying over her absence. I tend to turn to art when I'm stressed and thus felt the need to write something to put my mind at ease. Some days are better than others, but sometimes we need to remind ourselves to remember the better days and know we did everything we possibly could before letting go. This is probably the only fanfic I'll write that was intended to be therapeutic, so forgive any quirks from the canon, if any - it's not exactly the point._

* * *

She remembered rainy streets, the old, cobble-stoned back allies inviting only lost tourists and drunken idiots. A tiny yelp pierced through the night skies and tugged Rinoa away from her father. Under a rickety staircase, a puppy huddled underneath for dry warmth, shaking as water droplets fell onto its body. It whimpered, not noticing the little girl who bent down to inspect it. Her father demanded her return and when she did, she held the puppy in her arms with her shawl wrapped around its soaked form.

"Can I bring her home?" she asked with beady eyes.

Every time she asked him for anything, he always said no, but this time, he inhaled deeply and nodded.

She remembered the tiny pup hiding away from her at first. Whenever someone entered a room, the puppy darted under a couch or ducked behind a corner where no one could reach. But Rinoa was patient. She never forced the little one she decided to call Angelo. As much as she wanted to play tug of war or fetch with her new pet, she caught sight of a scared, little puppy, unsure of what to make of the new home. Her father was firm in telling Rinoa to play nice with the animal, for she wouldn't like it if someone forced her to do anything.

So Rinoa sat a sweep distance away whenever Angelo hid, reading a book or singing a song to herself. Sometimes the puppy poked her head out and sniffed the air with curiosity in her eyes. Each time, Rinoa smiled and beckoned for Angelo to come over; each time, the puppy hid away.

She remembered her pet sleeping under the bed every night. A month later, Angelo snuck out to finally test the new bed she had off to the side. Several weeks passed and Rinoa caught her curled up on top of the bed on the far end. After half a year, Rinoa woke up to a wet tongue licking cheek, rolling over to see a furry face inches away from hers. She swore Angelo was smiling at her.

She remembered coming home after long days and being greeted by Angelo at the doorsteps. No longer a puppy, the dog followed her around wherever she went, whining whenever Rinoa departed. Her father mentioned how Angelo sat in a corner and stared out a window whenever Rinoa was gone. The slightest sound outside perked the dog's ears up and sent her rushing over to the front door in hopes that her favorite person would come in. Rinoa always lavished her with outlandish praise, welcoming every one of Angelo's kisses. Before long, Rinoa trained her dog to follow her obediently outside of the house, earning both of them many compliments on how well-behaved Angelo was.

"She's a sweetheart," Rinoa said with a smile. "I don't know what I'd do without her."

She remembered the fights, too - the ones where she stormed away from her father in tears. Angelo never barked at anyone, especially not Fury, but she followed Rinoa back into her room and nudged her face into the crying girl's lap - a simple reminder that she was there for Rinoa. Sniffling to herself, Rinoa peered down to Angelo and wrapped her arms around the dog. It was as if she understood far more of what boiled within Rinoa, more than her father could ever begin to comprehend.

After a few more fights, Rinoa fled to her room as always, but instead of sitting on the edge of her bed, she sought out her suitcase and packed it to the brim. Angelo whined, tilting her head at Rinoa as she tugged the suitcase behind her.

"Come on, girl," she told Angelo softly and through the tears, "we're going to find a new home together."

She remembered settling into Timber and pouring her efforts into the Forest Owls. It was never an easy task and for the nights when she doubted herself and thought of returning to Deling City, Angelo was there to support her. The dog needed her as much as Rinoa needed her. They kept one another company, always cheering each other on for the hopes of a better life. So long as they had each other, Rinoa could brave the tears and heartache.

Angelo continued to stay by her side even when she requested assistance from SeeD. Through their travels, the dog was always present. The others might have rolled their eyes, but Rinoa continued to insist Angelo stayed. Times only grew more challenging and as Rinoa feared for her life once her role in the world changed, the same furry face woke her up in the morning, inches away and licking her awake.

She remembered the victory against the Sorceress from the future. Not long after, Rinoa packed her bags again, though her eyes were dry. She hummed and smiled while taking her time with packing up her home in Timber. Angelo followed her about the room, tilting her head about before nudging into her side.

"Oh, don't worry, Angelo!" Rinoa giggled and dropped down to eye level, scratching behind her ears. "We're going some place good this time. I promise!"

Squall welcomed both Rinoa and Angelo when they arrived. Finally, she could start a new life with the one she loved. Despite Angelo fighting for Rinoa's attention whenever she snuggled on the couch with Squall and trying to squeeze in between the two at night in bed, Rinoa still showered her with attention. She whispered into those fluffy ears about how Squall wasn't taking Angelo's place and ruffled fur for reassurance.

"Besides," she told Angelo with a wink, "Squall would make a better kitty than a puppy, don't you think?"

And Angelo barked in response.

She remembered days of laughter and smiles, no longer having to fight to be heard. With Squall, they made plans for their future, talked about something more than being a Sorceress with her knight. Regardless of the scenario, Angelo followed, even if Rinoa paced about in the kitchen while contemplating what to cook for dinner. And whenever Rinoa was lost in her thoughts, Angelo trotted over with a toy in her mouth and plopped it at Rinoa's feet, as if to say that even Rinoa needed to get out and play.

But she didn't want to remember the time she came home and didn't find Angelo by the door. Rinoa searched the perimeter, her heart skipping beats until she discovered her dog curled up behind the couch. Even with some tender persuasion, Angelo never came out. The food bowls covered in paw prints went untouched and an extra weight went missing from the bed when she retired with Squall. Every day she returned home and never saw Angelo's happy face. She chose new locations to hide in, never coming out when Rinoa called out for her with promises of treats.

Rinoa blamed it on the summer heat, but the sweltering climate was not to blame when Angelo's body began to fail her.

The vets ensured multiple tests to diagnose the problem at hand. Squall squeezed Rinoa's hand as she filled out paperwork with the other before bringing Angelo home. Barely removing the dog's leash, Angelo already headed off to hole up alone. She was given multiple medications to stimulate appetite and life, yet she still reverted to her new habits.

A week passed by and Rinoa grew accustomed to never having her dog greet her at the door anymore. What she didn't expect was to see Squall standing there waiting instead.

"...the vets called while you were out," he told her.

She waited for him to finish. Instead, he walked over to the living room to sit down. Rinoa followed and sat beside him, both lingering in silence. When Squall spoke again, she hung onto his every word. Angelo had three options: a cruel procedure considered dangerous for her age, a chemical cocktail with the hopes to extend her life with no promise for recovery, and a simple drug injected into her blood that would take both the pain and her life away.

The shock prevented tears for several minutes. When Rinoa doubled over and sobbed, Squall caught her and comforted her as best he could with a loving embrace. She waited for a wet nose to nudge into her lap, for a tongue to lick at her hand, for big eyes to stare up and quietly say she was loved. Nothing ever happened.

A single X marked the calendar for the following week. Neither Squall or Rinoa spoke of it, knowing what was to come.

Rinoa agreed to stay in the room. She had to be there for Angelo. The precious dog had always been there for her whenever she needed it. Rinoa brought blankets and favorite toys, as if they would brighten up Angelo. She never perked her ears up or fully acknowledged Rinoa. While waiting for the doctors, Rinoa stroked her fur and hummed a quiet song. When two people entered the room and prepped, Rinoa watched Angelo and scratched behind her ears.

"Miss Heartilly? Are you ready?"

She closed her eyes shut. _I was never ready for this._

And she nodded.

It was like yesterday when she walked through the rain by her father's side and heard the desperate cry coming down the alley. A little ball of fluff, barely old enough to survive on her own. Back then, Rinoa rescued the stray puppy, but now she wondered who truly rescued who.

One moment, she was rubbing a towel over the soaked, shivering puppy. The next, she stood in a white room with a lifeless body bundled up in towels before her and tears soaking her face.

"I'm sorry," Rinoa squeaked out, bending over to cling onto her most cherished friend. "I'm so sorry. I wish I could have done more. You deserved _so_ much more. If I could have given my life to ensure you lived forever, I would have. You've always been there and been so selfless. Always concerned about me. I don't know what to do now, though. What am I suppose to do without you here? How can I possibly keep going without you there to cheer me on? I can weave spells to my liking, but I can't bring you back. I want to bring you back. Angelo, please, come back to me. I need you. I miss you. I love you. I don't want to do this without you."

When she emerged from the building, she found Squall waiting outside, leaning into the wall. He immediately pushed off to it and rushed to Rinoa. They exchanged a quick glance before both of them teared up and embraced one another.

In a wooden jar custom made from Timber, she kept Angelo's ashes. It sat on her nightstand, the closest she could have them without clutching them like a stuffed animal before drifting off to sleep. Even then, the idea of sleep never came easy to Rinoa. She tossed and turned, unable to drift away without a certain dog's company around. She caught herself keeping habits, such as opening cabinets to find Angelo's food, only to find nothing. Her bowl was gone, as were all of her toys. The place smelled less and less like her.

Yet Rinoa swore she was still there. From the corner of her eye, she thought she spotted a blur of a shadow. Each time she whipped her head around, nothing stood before her. She thought she heard barks in the middle of the night or the distinct sound of her paws on the tile floor while Rinoa made her morning coffee. Figments teased Rinoa, pulled at her heart strings and moistened her eyes.

She cried far too much for her liking, always breaking down when she believed to be alone. Squall offered to buy her a new dog, which in turn sent Rinoa off on a tirade which dared to burn all of Balamb Garden down. She couldn't replace Angelo. Never.

Time passed on and the absence of an old friend now became familiar. At random intervals, Rinoa caught herself thinking of Angelo. What once was a pleasant day turned for a gloomy outcome as she frowned over the reminder of no longer having her favorite dog around. But it was when she struggled to hold her head high, the periodic moments where she wondered why she got out of bed in the morning, that she wished Angelo was there to comfort her.

And as Rinoa flipped the calendar for a new month and stared with wide eyes, she couldn't help but feel childish for still tearing up over her loss.

"You okay?" Squall asked from the other room.

Rinoa hesitated. "It's been a year."

He didn't need to ask what she meant by that. "...yeah. It flew by." Rinoa nodded, still staring at the calendar. Taking a deep breath, Squall rose from his seat and headed over to her. "I know everyone's told you the same thing - that she's in a better place. I like to think it's true, for whatever it's worth. But I also like to think that in the time you were able to spend with her, you gave her a wonderful life." He pulled Rinoa into a loose embrace, resting his cheek on top of her head while rocking her. "If it wasn't for you, maybe she wouldn't have gotten as far as she did. And I know she wouldn't have been nearly as happy without you. You did everything you could, Rinoa. I think if Angelo was here right now-" She sniffled when he uttered the name. "-she'd be trying to tell you to not worry so much and to be happy."

Through the tears streaming down her face, Rinoa managed to smile. "...that does sound like something she'd say."

Squall nodded into her. "Think of the times you two were together. Be grateful for what you had. Anyone could tell by just looking at her that she was grateful for _you_."

As much as Rinoa wanted Angelo back, as much as she wanted to reverse time and find a way to save her, as much as she wanted to stop crying, the realization Squall bestowed her with lifted a weight from her chest. That night, she slept soundly for the first time without Angelo.


End file.
